Psalm 102:4-5- My heart is stricken and withered like grass, so that I forget to eat my bread. Because of the sound of my groaning my bones cling to my skin.
Let us chat about unhealthy coping skills.
Normally, I would say I am not a worrier. Imagine my surprise when I realized that I was a HYPOCRITE! Here I was telling folks that they need to stop worrying because it was not of God, yet I was riddled with worry within. What gives?!?
There are not too many spaces that stir up worry within me like a deadline for graduate school. Having flunked out of one program, I was on edge during the entire time I was working on my Master of Social Work degree. It was crippling at times. I would try to give myself a pep talk, but no matter what I found myself repeating the same cycle. The first month of each semester took an act of Congress to get me on task. Oh, I was forgetful, late turning in assignments, and convinced that at any moment they were going to tell me that they made a mistake in accepting me into the program. Thanks to stress and worry, I had become my own worst enemy. I was sabotaging my own success.
Have you found yourself in a similar place where you know what you need to do but stress won’t let you do it? You feel like God has forgotten about you, like He has legit said, “If this woman does another thing wrong, I am disowning her!” Then, fellow (soon-to-be-former) worrier, I have a message for you.
Here in Psalm 102, we meet up with the Psalmist in a time of similar despair. Now, I am sure it is of much more concern than passing a class for graduate school, but it is a good representation of the unhealthy ways we cope with stress.
“My heart is stricken and withered like grass.” Oh, this is pure poetry! When you think of your stricken heart, it can feel shrunken within you by the stress and weight of the world. It can feel like it has been trampled over by defeat. It can feel like it is drying up with every setback, like hope lost with each attack. Hey, I know because this is exactly where I was mentally in graduate school.
My perception of my progress and pending outcome of failure led me to some unhealthy practices just like the Psalmist. It felt like the world was against me, but what I couldn’t see was that I was turning against myself. The same goes for the Psalmist. The Psalmist here in Psalm 102 stopped eating as a result of the stress. Now, let us get one thing clear, it has never in my history been my testimony to not eat because of stress. However, I do understand where the writer is coming from. Stress can cause us to overindulge in one area while depriving ourselves of vital nutrients in another area. It can take over our ability to see our own needs, leading to a place of self-sabotage. Therefore, if we are going to overcome unhealthy stress habits we have to get clear on what we are fighting and build of our arsenal to fight stress God’s way.
4 Unhealthy Ways of Coping
(This is not a complete list but a few of the more common unhealthy ways of coping)
- Avoidance: You stop doing something solely because you failed before and do not want to risk failing again. You avoid going places. Some people avoid planning even out of fear of failing or what may actually happen.
- Deprivation: This is exactly what we see in Psalm 102. You deprive yourself of vital nutrients or key items because the stress has overpowered your ability to see your own needs.
- Stuffing: This is two-parts because you first decide to not speak about what is going on inside of you, choosing to stuff your emotions down. After a while, you may find it difficult to even imagine that the event took place. So, you stuff that down too. Then comes “WARNING: Content inside my explode under pressure.” What happens here is a suppression of emotions and often a denial of the severity of what took place. When the lid finally pops off, you risk spewing on people and places that had nothing to do with the actual events that led to the unhealthy coping mechanisms.
- Overindulgence: Some call this “loose or wreckless” behavior. If you constantly do this, then you do not have to deal with what is really going on. This can be overindulgence in things like drugs or alcohol, but it can also involve items we typically deem as socially okay like ice cream or cookies. Overindulgence can also involve dwelling on negative thoughts and outcomes. Whether it be overindulgence in food, alcohol, working out, or even sex for some, this way of unhealthy coping has an ugly downward spiral.
How to Build up Your Defense Against Unhealthy Coping God’s way
- Cast your cares on HIM. Psalm 55:22 NKJV “Cast your burden on the LORD, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”
- Lean not to your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NKJV “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not to your understanding.”
- Accept the Peace of Jesus. John 14:27 NKJV “Peace I leave with you, MY peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
- Renew your mind daily. Romans 12:2 NKJV “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
The difference God makes is clear- He doesn’t want you to go through life without Him. Our Father in heaven has an expectation of our dependency upon Him- His power, His strength, His insight, His wisdom, and His understanding. Our Father knows we will struggle, so He simply requests for us to cast our cares upon Him. How much more peace would you have in life if you trusted God to handle your worries, weaknesses, and struggles? Be encouraged in this. There is nothing strong enough, powerful enough, or terrible enough to make God turn His back on you. He is there even when you don’t feel worthy of His care. Why? It is simply because He loves you. Nothing more, nothing less. His love is not based on your success. It’s already there.
Reflection:
- What unhealthy coping skills have you noticed within yourself?
- How can you shift from your way of coping to casting your cares upon the Lord?
Prayer:
Father, my Lord and My God, I have given too much of my mind, my time, and my life over to worry and stress. Search within me and reveal the root cause of these unhealthy coping skills. Open my eyes up to the damage that unhealthy coping skills has caused me. Then, help me to cast my cares upon You. No longer do I wish to lean to my own understanding for I know that my own mind that cannot be trusted. Help me to accept the peace that only Jesus can give me. Though I may struggle in my own abilities, let me renew my mind daily to the promises of Your word. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.